When Your Mind's Made Up

I feel happy.
I feel like everything will be fine. I know everything will be fine.
I love not worrying about things. It feels nice.

I wish it was summer. I feel like laying out in the sun or going to the beach or picking flowers.
But I live in Duluth, so that's not happening for a while.

Comfortably Numb

We talked yesterday about all of our bickering lately. We seem to have figured it out which makes me feel a lot better...but..I just wonder if it'll keep happening anyway. I don't want to fight anymore. When we do it it's about nothing that even matters. We take things out on each other.
I feel like maybe I just need to give him more space. I know he's not used to me always being around.And the same goes for me. I don't want to ruin anything. I don't want to smother him.

I think it's weird how you can be apart from somebody for so long, always thinking about them, wishing you were with them, and when you get it...you don't know how to manage it.
But, we talked. It's getting fixed.
There's nowhere else that I want to be but here with him. And I wish that he didn't question that.
I love him. And I'm happiest when I'm with him. I just need to learn how to live in the same house with him...I mean, that's a really big step..especially for two seventeen year olds. But if anyone can do it, it's him and me. We're just used to our own space. Now all of a sudden we have to share it.
And we say how we want to go back to the way we used to be. The perfect cutsie couple. Maybe we can't get all the way back to that because of everything that we've been through together. But I know we can get close. We just have to appreciate each other more and know how much we mean to one another. Stop being impatient. We've always been the opposite when we've had problems.


I find myself thinking less of my sisters. I don't know if that's good or bad. I know they can take care of themselves, so I've stopped constantly worrying. But I miss them. I haven't seen Rylee since I left and I haven't seen Taryn since couples. The less I see them...the less I think about them. It's not that I'm forgetting them, it's just that, they're not here. Maybe being less attached is better for me. I don't feel as guilty.

I also find myself thinking less of my mom. I know for a fact that's better for me. The fact that she never calls used to really bother me, but now I don't mind. I fee like I'm finally growing out and away from her. I don't have to be the adult dealing with her problems and crap with Kevin. It wasn't good for me. And I feel better. I feel content about it. I think it's good for me.

I just hope I'm not becoming selfish.

I feel like I'm becoming more mean and I want that to stop. I know I'm not a mean person. I feel like I get frustrated more easily these days..but I know it's because I'm trying to sort out years of ...what?..heartache? I guess I could put it that way. Now that I'm away from everything that I've ever had to deal with I can think it all through and get it sorted in my mind...but it's harder than I thought it would be. I'm just trying to let things go. Not forget them, because that makes me bottle things up that eventually explode...but just accepting and letting it go.
Another thing that will be good for me.
But again..when I try to focus in on myself, what I'm feeling, or what I need...I start to feel selfish.


It's mine and Kiefer's 20th month today.
I love him.

I believe in clean breaks, I keep the old troubles away

New Blog....I didn't see the point in starting to write in my old one, considering there's only one post on it from six months ago. Too much has happened to explain on it, and I don't want to take the time to write it all. I just want to start clean on a new one.

Because I'm back home in Duluth.
I'm going to Denfeld.
I have my friends.
And I'm with Kiefer.
That's all I care about right now.